Gathering my Thoughts at Cambridge Hotel

Wearing: Kardashian Kollection Shirt; Forget me Knot Skirt via Nasty Gal; Jeffrey Campbell Oil Slick Solitaire Heels via Nasty Gal; Equip Necklace; Topshop 'Brighton Rock' lipstick
Photos shot at: Cambridge Hotel, Sydney 

Last night, I went to my 'spot'. Its somewhere in my area, a slab of concrete known to some people as the Basketball Courts. It sits on a busy road and behind the basketball courts is a park that gets really dark and quiet at night. I sit there most nights to smoke, or think, or stare up at the stars. And usually, I'm alone. I prefer it that way.

Standing here at Cambridge Hotel a couple of weeks ago, at the balcony where the city lights were so pretty, definitely reminded me of my spot back at home. It's so peaceful and secluded and the sight let me gather my thoughts carefully.

And, this is what I've gathered over the past month or so: I realised how much time I was wasting on someone in my life that wasn't going to reciprocate or understand my feelings, who doesn't appreciate me for my personality or what I can offer as a friend (or as something more).
Why should I sacrifice my 100% for their 10%? It is simply not enough, it made me feel I'm not worthy enough to be in their life.
I have to keep reminding myself I have beautiful friends in my life who would be there for me no matter what, I have my health, I have my sight and hearing, I have my family, I have the sweetest boyfriend, Hughie, to keep me smiling and keep me light.
There is this famous quote from G.K Chesterton: "It is easy to heavy: hard to be light". And I feel I don't want to be heavy any more; to be weighed down by this baggage. Lately I've been forced to to let go and get rid of my 'heaviness' and as a result become more 'light'. It was difficult and frustrating because I'm so used to the heavy feeling but I found it so satisfying when I put it away mentally in my head. Once the 'heavy' is gone (or out of sight, out of mind, as I like to say) its easier to stay on this 'light' path. All I feel is happiness flooding into my life and I now know I should fight to keep it this way.
I've had a couple of moments of weakness but that's ok. It's just a cold hard slap in the face, the pain stings but it goes away quickly and then I can go back to being happy again.

I'm sorry if I'm being vague, but I think most of you readers out there will at least understand my feelings without knowing the full situation. Or read 'The Happiness Project' by Gretchen Rubin, a very good read that helped me articulate my feelings so well.

And to keep goals in sight and to ensure more happiness, I announced to my boyfriend the other week that I wanted to go on a long holiday/move to Japan (finally). Me and my boyfriend for the past year and a half have been saving to go overseas. Initially it was New York but I think deep down Hughie wanted to go to Japan first. So Japan it is. I don't mind. As long as I'm with Hughie I'll be happy. I so can't wait to escape, to runaway, to feel more peace with him by my side.