Love Letters for the 13th of May

Dearest,  

I’ve come to you, morning day and night. I’ve cried in front of you, I’ve bit my lip in front of you and I’ve also been by your side at your most vulnerable I-want-to-take-it-out-on-anyone-I-see times. The best part of our relationship was that it was purely just, You and Me. You and Me. No one else made me happier. We rarely got anyone else involved and I cared about you and stood up for you no matter what other people said. 

It hurts my heart, but I hope you find someone who will make you happy, who will fill those voids in your heart, and who will keep you warm at night. I never want you to loathe yourself or ever feel lonely, and definitely not have your creativity crushed, ever.

I’ve always put up a tough girl agenda and brushed off any romantic talk. I just didn't know where to place my feelings for you or how to react to it. I can be a little harsh, I know. You acted indifferent at times towards me so I just reacted to that indifference. It was my little defence mechanism. I never wanted to be the first one to admit I liked you, so I just acted colder. 

I want to take this space to tell you that if I’ve ever hurt you or made you feel worst about the way you treated me – I apologise. I am truly sorry for our little back and forth games and if I made you feel like I wasn’t interested in your feelings or told you we would never date. I was stuck, I was just scared. Honestly, I only ever truly let my walls only recently, after you cracked my wall down with our heart breaking fight I couldn't help but be more vulnerable yet more affectionate at the same time. Knowing that I would soon lose you just bought that girl – the girl that loves you – out of me. I've realised , when you're out of my life, I am not the same girl.

Is it too late? I'm not too sure. But if you ever do need me, truly - I will come to you, morning day or night.

Always yours,

Natalie