Some Nights, I Almost Do

Wearing: One Teaspoon Jumper; Topshop skirt; Sportsgirl Shoes; Enlightened Crystal Necklace (mini) thanks to Illuminati Jewellery; Onassis Sunglasses in Camouflage thanks to Royal Aquamarine 

This week has been one of those eye-openers. It all started last Monday when I found myself in an awkward fight with one of my best friends. She was going away on alot of holidays lately and I found myself once again at home in boring Sydney with no plans and with friends that are too busy. I thought I was forever going to be in that Youthful Stage in life when my friends were just as bored as me and do not have any errands to run, family obligations, or pre-planned-weeks-in-advance-outings.
So I wake up asking her what she is up to on the weekend (I just wanted to chill out and play frisbee) and she said 'going away on holiday' and I almost threw my phone against the wall. We had words because I found out how frustrating it was to find myself with no plans for the weekend and I just wanted to spend time with my bestie. Just hang, just chill.
Then after a couple of hours I felt (even though we apologized and promised to make it up to each other), that I was not mad at my friend, I was actually mad at myself... mad at myself for not having plans or holidays or living life to the fullest capacity.
So I sat down, jotting down stuff that I knew I wanted to do but never made the decision to just go ahead and DO.

On my List:
Visit Jamberoo this Summer
Visit the Aquatic Centre in Homebush
Take a day-trip and drive down south past Kiama (no destination in mind)
Plan a BBQ/picnic with friends and play Frisbee
Get up early, watch the sunrise at a Sydney Beach
Astronomy and Stargazing at Warrumbungle National Park

This is just a small list, but I realise its something that's possible to finish by the end of the year. And I'm hoping by then I can look back at my diary and be proud that I didn't waste my weekends being mad at myself for 'not doing enough' or 'having no plans'.

Yet secretly, another reason why I was mad was because I was worried I would fall back into old habits. My friend proves to be such a mood-lifter and good distraction sometimes and we laugh and giggle heaps when we are together. 
Yet, I cannot be trusted in bed alone with my phone, late at night. I'm often tempted to call or text an old friend I know I shouldn't... I just want to see how they are, what they are doing, if they are still up at night as late as I was.. 
Don't get me wrong, my life is so good these days, even with my lack of making plans. I just miss the familiar voice, the easiness of talking, the *forget about the rest of the world* feeling, and the smile I can hear at the end of the phone.
Some nights, it takes everything I have not to text or call, and it sometimes takes a dramatic *throw phone at the wall* just so I didn't let my fingers text the familiar letters 'H-e' and turn it into a shy "Hello".  Some nights though, I feel I don't ever want to say Hello again, because I don't want to risk another sad Goodbye. I bet my old friend doesn't realise this. Yet every time I don't say 'Hello', I almost do, I almost do.